Negative Sentiment Override in Relationships
As a couples counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how unresolved conflicts can deeply impact relationships. One of the key concepts in understanding relational distress is Dr. John Gottman’s theory of „Negative Sentiment Override“ (NSO).
Negative Sentiment Override occurs when one or both partners in a relationship develop a pervasive negative perspective about their partner. This lens distorts how they perceive their partner’s words, actions, and intentions. Even neutral or positive gestures may be interpreted as negative, leading to chronic dissatisfaction and conflict.
Gottman discovered that in healthy relationships, partners generally give each other the benefit of the doubt. This is known as „Positive Sentiment Override,“ where positive feelings dominate and minor issues are seen in a forgiving light. However, when NSO takes hold, the emotional climate shifts, and interactions are often filtered through a lens of criticism and defensiveness.
For example, a simple comment like „You forgot to take out the trash“ may be perceived as a personal attack rather than a neutral reminder. This can escalate into arguments fueled by underlying resentment rather than the present issue itself.
Signs of Negative Sentiment Override:
- Viewing your partner’s actions with suspicion or negativity
- Struggling to remember positive aspects of your partner
- Frequent misinterpretations of neutral statements as critical
- Persistent feelings of resentment
Breaking Free from NSO:
As a couples counselor, I guide my clients through these steps to address NSO:
- Awareness: Recognize when negative filters are distorting perception.
- Revisit Positive Memories: Reflect on shared positive experiences to rekindle positive associations.
- Effective Communication: Foster open dialogue where both partners feel heard and validated.
- Small Acts of Kindness: Encourage intentional positive interactions, like expressing appreciation or acts of service.
- Emotional Repair: Address underlying hurts with compassion and understanding.
Why Addressing NSO Matters
Left unchecked, NSO can erode emotional intimacy and trust. By shifting back toward Positive Sentiment Override, couples can rebuild emotional safety and strengthen their bond.
If you’re noticing these patterns in your relationship,, addressing Negative Sentiment Override can be a transformative step toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. As a counselor, I find it rewarding to help couples break free from negative cycles and rediscover the positive core of their relationship.
Remember, even small changes can create powerful ripples in healing relational dynamics.